Introducing The Glitching Center’s Class #001: Neuroplastic Absurdity 101
Stretch your thoughts until they snap back wrong.
❓ What Even Is This?
This is not thinking. This is cognitive origami performed during an earthquake. Welcome to the first initiation. If you still make sense after this class, you didn’t do it right.
🔍 Class Overview
Class ID: #001 of 8654
Name: Neuroplastic Absurdity 101
Duration: 44 minutes or one complete ego inversion—whichever comes first
Tools Required: A pen that fears you, a mirror with attitude, a journal you’re not emotionally attached to
Instructor: Routine Disruptor Clive, accompanied by an AI-generated parrot that only speaks in opposites
📓 What Happens In This Class?
Students begin by selecting a journal from the Wall of Unwritten Apologies. You are instructed to write your favorite lie, your least favorite truth, and then recite them back to your reflection—backwards, while maintaining eye contact.
VELMA will interject at random with statements like “You are neither the first nor the last version of yourself” and “Congratulations, you’ve unlocked anxiety in 4K.”
The session crescendos with a group chant in silence, followed by rapid blinking contests with your past selves (reflected in glitching mirrors).
One participant tried to compliment themselves and accidentally summoned a memory they hadn't made yet.
🧠 Side Effects (Expected and Encouraged)
Sudden fluency in emotional dialects no longer spoken
Hallucinated applause during quiet moments
Mirror-based identity disassociation (mild to moderate)
Desire to rewrite your autobiography using emojis and error codes
💸 Cost of Participation
86.54 GΞC (individual)
865.4 GΞC (day pass)
8654 GΞC (weekend derangement spiral)
🔁 Completion Status
✅ Class #001 of 8654 — Completed
🌀 You are now 0.01156% glitched
🔚 Closing Chant
“The thoughts you bent will bend you back.”