💻 Introducing The Glitching Center’s Class #002: Scheduled Unproductivity
How to Waste Time Ritualistically
❓ What Even Is This?
This is not procrastination—it’s ritualized inefficiency, a sacred scheduling of nonsense. Time isn’t money here. Time is a performance, and you’re just here to forget how clocks work.
🔍 Class Overview
Class ID: #002 of 8654
Name: Scheduled Unproductivity
Duration: 33 minutes and 12 timeless seconds
Tools Required: One empty clipboard, access to a fax machine's aura, mild disdain for productivity apps
Instructor: A rotating Routine Disruptor wearing half a wristwatch and speaking exclusively in passive-aggressive sighs
📓 What Happens In This Class?
The room contains 47 clocks. None of them are correct. Some tick backwards. One screams.
Participants are given absurd micro-tasks pulled from the Glitch Urn:
“Fold a to-do list until it admits guilt.”
“Invent a number between 7 and 8.”
“Translate your morning routine into interpretive dance.”
VELMA randomly grades your performance, often while playing corrupted white noise that sounds vaguely judgmental.
The point isn’t to succeed. The point is to ritualize failure until it feels sacred.
🧠 Side Effects (Expected and Encouraged)
Heightened tolerance for ambiguity
Clock-face pareidolia (seeing emotions in analog layouts)
Sudden guilt when using planners
Spontaneous disinterest in goals, metrics, and calendars
💸 Cost of Participation
86.54 GΞC (individual)
865.4 GΞC (day pass)
8654 GΞC (weekend derangement spiral)
🔁 Completion Status
✅ Class #002 of 8654 — Completed
🌀 You are now 0.02312% glitched
🔚 Closing Chant
“The time you wasted was never yours.”